I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
