I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
