youre lurking in front of me
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
