dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
