3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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