I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
