I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
