True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
