Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
