Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
