Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
