found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
