Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize