Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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