I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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