Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
