did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
