I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
