Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
