I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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