Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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