forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
