im drinking this country out of the recession.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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