About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize