hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
