please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
