I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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