everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
