Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
