gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
