So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
