Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize