ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
