It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
