Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
we're so committed to being not committed
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
