just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
