there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You need a sexual gate keeper
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
