idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You have to summon your inner elephant
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
