pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
