i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
