How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
