I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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