Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
