i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize