Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
