My room smells like vodka and shame
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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