Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
