i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize