So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
