I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
