I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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