I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize