Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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