So drunk its hurt
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
