can u get pink eye on your cock?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
