i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You're like the curious george of whores
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
