Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
