I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
