im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
