I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
