he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
