My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
