no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
