how can u be prego again
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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