The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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