btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize