He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
