Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Holy sore nipples Batman
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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