Apparently you make a good broom.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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