believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
