That's when you crack a 10am beer
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
