so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
