Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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