I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You pole danced in your parka.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
